It’s been so long.
I decided to go back to college, im doing an access to health care course so i can do a medical degree and then specialise in genetics. Holy fuck. Did i ever think id be doing a medical course? Im quite good at it tho, who knew 💁🏻♀️. Big Sis is doing the same course, which im grateful for because otherwise id not be coping well, she helps organise me and keeps me strong. I do the same for her, well i hope i do.
Its taken up so much of my time, im so busy, its college, homework or actual work. Theres no peace for me. Its helping me to sleep better though because im so exhausted that my nightmares are down to 3 times a week. Still waking up tense the majority of the week and my wrist is playing up again with pain but im dealing best i can.
Im doing a presentation for college on Domestic Violence. It was super hard going through the evidence and shit i had but its something i really think i have to do. If i can help one person to not experience what i did, then its worth it.
So i dont think i updated you guys on the manager? A couple months after his text, he starts flirting with me again and im like thought u had a gf, nope. So he’d asked if i wanted to meet up. We agreed we would have a kiss and see how things went from there. We spent the whole night talking, then we tried the kiss. Holy Fuck, i still get butterflies thinking about it. It led to sex obv, but wow. It was hot! We had a make out sess when i was in work and we talked about seeing each other again and he’d say future plans etc, nothing much but meaning he intended to see me again. But he just stopped replying.
I feel so used. If he just wanted a one night stand why not use the girls that go to his work? Why me? Especially because he knew i liked him. He couldnt have not known, we had been txting before. I hate when guys ghost you. Heres some advice guys, grow some fucking balls and just say can this just be sex? Us girls will say yes of course, and then leave you to it. Its when you give us mixed signals that fuck us up, we are made of oestrogen, biologically its easier for us to catch feelings. So be a man and nip it the bud before we do. Maybe if he had done that i wouldnt feel so stupid and used. Its made me doubt myself, was i clingy? Was i too much? Was the sex not good for him? Am i not pretty enough for him? Technically this anxiety isnt his fault, its Lucifers but if he had straight up said its sex and thats all then i would have distanced myself some what.
It sucks because i do see him and we have friends in common. Im too awkward for those situations. Especially because only mam and Big Sis knew about him. So i cant exactly ignore him without saying why.
The worst thing though? He still looks hot 🤦🏻♀️. Goddamn ovaries.
Oh well on to finding another guy i suppose. A chance would be a fine thing. Im too busy. I did let Park Bench guy go. I was doing whatever with the Manager and i forgot about him, wooppppss. And then he messaged me all apologetic saying had he done something (this was after the manager blew me off) so i said no was just busy with college. I tried to get back into it with him but couldn’t, i didnt feel anything for him anymore. He asked a few days ago if i wanted to meet up or just be friends and blamed college saying i havent got time so friends it is. He only wanted to get a leg over anyway; maybe if he hadnt of kept ditching dates id have stayed msging him.
Oh well, ill just get my cats ready for spinster hood, even though my cat is a massive dick!
Happy Reading Bitches!