I have been so busy.
Lets start with the biggest issue. Big sis is ill. I mean really ill.
She had a bad ear so on The Wednesday she went to the doctors and they told her she had a massive boil in her ear. Then on Thurs about 3am she woke up and her face felt weird so looked in the mirror AND bells palsy. Cut to Monday and shes so ill. Turns out she has shingles in her face.
Shes been suffering with vertigo so she went back to the doctors to get some medication to help. Her face is getting better, its not so frozen. She says she doesnt care about that, she just wants to get better but im worried once she heals up she’ll take more notice of her face. But ill be there when she needs me.
Its been hard, worrying about her, working and taking care of the youngest kid. Her husband hasnt been much help, hes having the kids over night, thats about it. Dont get me wrong, i adore my brother in law, hes family but he can be such a dick sometimes. He doesn’t really have an interest in the children. Would be helpful if he had the kids so my 74 year old nan didnt have to.
Ok the next big news:
Its official. Lucifer is living 3 doors down from me. I asked my policeman friend if this is legal. Apparently it is. Seen him a few times already, its causing me to have panic attacks again. I cant stop thinking about the mountain. For the first time in months i wanted to scratch my arms raw. I wanted and craved that release of emotions. I didnt. I kept repeating to myself what the counsellor said to me, your safe, you survived, you are a warrior. I used this as a mantra until i felt safe again.
When will it stop? When will i stop thinking about all he did. It gets tiring.
I have another fight on my hands. I have been denied a repeat of my PIP. Which is a disability benefit. Its meant to be for disabilities and diagnosis but they reviewed my case and found me well enough not to receive it. So im out £224 for that. Because i got that i also got working tax at 16 hours work. So i got £93 a week. That will also stop. I cant work more hours, i get too frazzled but i cant afford to not have that money. So i have to appeal. I am entitled to that money.
Ive been texting Park Bench guy. He makes me laugh so much. I find myself smiling when his name pops up. Shame he has a gf. I will not cheat or let someone be cheated on with me. Im not Lucifer. The paranoia can drive you crazy. Im jealous of him though and frustrated, have been together 9 odd years. They hardly see each other and are always arguing but i wana shake the gf and say appreciate your guy, its not all roses being single and the guys that are out there can be dangerous.
Thats all for now.
Happy Reading Bitches.