Why do i always pick the wrong uns?
To be fair park bench guy is a sweetie and a good guy, its not his fault. We’ve been talking loads and he told me he broke up with his misses on the weekend so we’ve been flirting. Hes been giving me compliments making me laugh and the flirting really heated up. Clothes off was being mentioned. So i said take me out then. He said he couldnt because he was still talking to his “mrs”. I didnt reply so he said sorry. I apologised and said i wouldnt of flirted if i knew he was still with her. He said she broke it off but was still trying to talk to him.
And then to top it off. Delivery guy sent a snapchat of his dick with a semi (he had sweatpants on) with chat? I snapped back pass. He was all pissy. Like what the fuck mate, you really think that could work on me?
But back to park bench guy, i liked him. I shouldnt have watched a romantic comedy. Im feeling all girly, i hate these goddamn ovaries. Why do girls have to have feelings? Cant we be dudes and think fuck it, im guna screw around and not give a damn about anything or anyone.
I could act like that. But cheating will always been a sore spot for me. Lucifer. I will never not be ok with playing around with a guy who has a girlfriend. I always thought all is fair in love and war. Until the war broke me apart.
I know whats really bothering me. Im lonely. Bestie has hooked up and is all happy with her guy. I see her and my sis and it makes me realise im missing out. Humans arent meant to be alone. I want someone who belongs to me, and me them. Who slots into my life like they were always there. Like my brother in law did for my sister. But how do you find someone like that when you are scared to go out alone? When panic attacks occur in large crowds. Maybe its best im single, who would want that as a girlfriend? Who would want insecurity and panic? Not many guys i can assure you.
I also take guys by surprise. Im the trophy. They see a pretty girl but thats it. Its when they go skin deep it fucks up. When they look past the pretty face and see: the geek, the awkwardness, the ocd, the self harmer, the chubb, the insecurity. Thats when they back away.
Its maybe good i start counselling tomorrow. Who could love me when i dont love myself?
Happy Reading Bitches.