Ive decided not to carry on fighting Lucifer. I cant fight any more. Im tired of it. I want to just move on.
Its been really hectic. I had to have my wisdom tooth out on Tues, its ben agony so made an emergency appointment, sat in the car and the dentist says yeah you’ll have to have it out, shall i do it now? Hold the fuck on, whats the pan going to be like. After assuing me it would be fine, she popped 2 syringes of numbing shit in my mouth and told me to wait in the waiting room. I ring big sis and say im having it out “what now??”
In i go and OMG the pain, it was horrendous, i was rocking in the chair. Then she popped more numbing in and tried a different tool. After she squirting numbing in my mouth, saying oohh sorry horrible taste coming. I was shitting it thinking my throat would close up. Anyway the tooth came out and this happened:
Mum told me i looked like a had bells palsy and daddy spent the whole facetime laughing at me. But its ok because whoop no pain.
Mum also went to hospital. I thought she had cancer. It was scary. She was pooing blood, like a lot of blood. She had a something disease, called divoctus or some shit like that. But the most worrying thing was her heart rate. The doctors thought she was having a heart attack and were going to send her to the cardio wing. I text her when she was in hospital, saying she should tell the doctors about her drinking. Shes been sober 9 days. I am so incredibly proud of her. Its like a brethe of fresh air. Theres no fear of her kicking off. We’ve been spending loads of time together and i feel like i have my mum back. I cant even explai how nice it is.
Ive been struggling to sleep. Im tired all the time. Its like my tablets wear ofd too early and then my legs are jumping till i wake up. They are so sore when i wake up. I think it’s because ive been trying to deal with Lucifer. Im starting to remember some of the stuff, its like i blocked most of it out. Apparently i met him years ago when i was seeing my One True Love, it was a night out. I have a picture of him and another where im kissing his friends cheek. He accused me of fancying his friend because i was posing by kissing his cheek. If it was a general question, it wouldn’t be so bad but he was insanely jealous about it. I lie in bed and these things run through my head. Like the time he wanted to get me pregnant because he wanted a family with me and then when he had cheated and was being a dick with me, he made me buy food for him and 5 pregnancy tests to check. It had to be 5. I was too scared to not buy them. I tried to walk away so many times but i was so afraid of his threats. Of what he would do to me or my family. Every time we went out i was accused of staring at guys. In my head i understand why, he was so insecure about his looks that he would assume i was looking for someone better looking. But thats not me, which couldnt understand. And now i still walk with my head down out of habit. We had been arguing one night and i went to bed and he was texting me saying come up because he hadnt eaten and felt weak and if i didn’t go up he would kill himself. That was a usual thing for us. His manipulation of me.
I still have nightmares of being up the mountain. Of how i was so weak from lack of food or drinks, that i was throwing up. My hands were numb and i had pins and needles up my arms. I had to ask that fucker to hold my and so i knew it was still working. Then i passed out.
Im trying, which is the main thing, im trying to be normal.
Ive let Delivery guy go. Such a child. Its laughable. Hes been ignoring me, then posted on his snapchat about him getting back with his ex, pictures of them, then a video of him saying she wouldnt take him back, he cheated on her, he lied to her etc. Another Lucifer. But then the next day he was snapping back pictures of himself, then the day of delivery: he calls me sweetness on the phone, i laughed so hard, then he hung around when the driver went to “talk” and asked for a hug before. I very awkwardly gave him a hug with my head turned firmly away from him and patted him on the back. I hate hugs. And he must think ive a pushover. Comeon mate, you cheated on your gf and messed me around, im 27. I dont need to play games with him. Pathetic like boy.
Thats all for now i guess.
Happy Reading Bitches!