Im struggling abit today. I woke up early and my hands are shaking. Thats never a good sign. I think im just frustrated at not knowing what is happening.
I phoned the police on Monday and my case has changed officers and they said that the new officer would call me but ive not heard anything. They did say they still had his phone but im not sure if its usual to take this long to go through them. They want another statement off me because he lied and said he didnt call me and that ive been calling him. Mate you held me hostage as if i would call you.
Mums been keeping an eye on his facebook in case he posts about me because thats breaching his bail conditions. Hes gone fucking crazy, hes trying to sound all knowledgable about shit but its just coming accross desperate and pretentious, it’s hilarious. He dis post saying he needed help could someone help him. But no one commented. If he wanted to commit suicide he would, he wouldnt post about it on facebook. If he wanted help, phone your doctors or psychiatrist you looney toon.
How did i not see hes crazy? I dont think he was this psychotic or maybe ive just blocked a lot of it out. Anyway ive printed my phone bill out to show that i havent contacted him, so now the waiting game begins.
So you may want to know whats going on with the delivery guy? Thought so. I asked him if he wanted a date this friday, asked him over mine and he can stay over because he lives so far away and only has his bike. He said yea! So that was the plan but im not sure about it now. I feel like hea keeping something from me. Hes very moody, not snapping at me, just not replying as much. Usually i get morning beautiful and compliments but nothing the last few days. I think hes not over his ex. They were together for 2 years and broke up a few months ago but she keeps asking for him back. She seems to be similar to Lucifer, she hacked his phone etc. Think i might have to back off a little bit and see ifs he notices because he hasnt mentioned the date since we planned it.
Ive been trying to get him to talk to me but he wont, hes bottling it up and its frustrating because i dont know alot about him. Meh least he lives far away so i wont have to see him if this goes belly up.
BUT oh my god, the sexiest guy came into the club last week and again Monday, i drooled in his pint. Ok not really, it was on my chin. He is delicious. May have to get my flirting head on when he comes in. I didnt really have much game Pre Lucifer, now i defo dont. Im awkward as hell, most guys just go off my looks and then realise how cool i am. They are usually shocked by me. When i say my fave film is lord of the rings and can quote most of it, they are lost for words, i just wish it was my mad skills that made their jaws drop. Like how do normal girls flirt? If i batted my eyelids id look like ive escaped for a mental ward, and im more likely to choke on my hair if i flicked it. May have to look up how to flirt.
I had a lot of anxiety last night aswel. I was triggering. I got this term from the book group i mentioned in another post. The author uses it to explain what things triggers panic attack or anxiety in one of the characters. My triggers are tension, intoxication and the door going. The second one isnt a new one, its just got worse. There was a lot of tension between my folks last night and mum had been on the wine again, i dont know why she thinks she can hide it, i can tell as soon as shes sniffed boozed, i grew up with her drinking. Mums friend had also triggered me. He knocked the door, walked in and shouted hello, like he usually does but i panicked and couldnt tell whose voice it was so i told him, he has to let me know before he comes in so i know its him.
Im also getting frustrated at my Etsy shop. My bracelets arent selling. Im paying £18 a month for the listings and this year ive sold 6 bracelets, i was averaging that a week before i put the shop on holiday. I have a shit ton of jewellery all around the house and i dont want to give up because its wasted money then. Think im just going to have to get more active in my social media with them. Grrrrr its making me second guess myself. Are they not good enough? I know thats the anxiety talking but its wearing me down. I dont know what else i can do with the shop, one more month and i might have to close it.
On a positive note, im back in work full time and the thought of a night shift doesnt send me into a panic attack. So thats a plus. Ive been doing the manager duties so mum can have a break. On Monday & Tuesday i did the banking for the first time on my own. BOOM no mistakes were made, money was spot on. Go Me whooooo. Mum said she’ll put the manager hours through her wages and give them to me because she gets paid £9 odd but i dont. I should really because hello im assistant manager.
I think thats all for now, i have to go out to get electric. Dont you hate when that happens to you? Its 9am you havent long got up, your hair looks like a peacocks, your still in your pjs and the electric goes 😫. Its like im not ready to tangle the birds nest in my hair, but i need another coffee so to the shop i go. Ill keep you updated on the delivery guy and new snooker guy.
Happy Reading Bitches.