First things first. My family do not know the whole story, they know bits of it but not all. Ive told them they can read this but its very honest and they may not like how much i kept from them.
Id been single for over a year because i had been focusing on my mental health and getting well. I finally felt good so decided to join tinder. I started talking to a guy. My sisters new nickname for him is Lucifer so i will refer to him as that or Psycho.
We got talking and he was HOT and sweet. He made me smile. For a first date he invited me to see Justin Bieber as he had a spare ticket. I was working so couldnt go but we planned to see each other the next night. He always mentioned he knew of me, turns out he was best friends at one time with my one true love.
Went for the date and he was hungover but we watched a film, had epic epic sex and cwtched talking. He got me. I was waiting for him to as me to leave but he asked me to spend his birthday with him the day after tomorrow. We decided to go for food and the cinema. There wasnt anything on so we just decided on Pizzahut. I offered to pay because it was his birthday. We went back to his and he asked me to sleep over but i said i couldnt because i didnt have my nighttime medication. He also asked me to be official with him but i was like its too soon. He started arguing with me and was just being a dick. So i went to sleep and the next day i told him id be his gf because what the hell you only live once.
The first time he kicked off with me was maybe two weeks after we met. He called me after a doctors appointment and screamed at me saying i was fat, ugly, cunt, he was going to smash my face in etc etc. But because he had bad news at the doctors i put it down to that.
Lucifer was extremely jealous and paranoid. He constantly thought i was cheating on him when i wasnt. It was because he was cheating on me without me knowing, more often then not he slept with someone then me after it without showering. I didnt know this until recently and ive had checks. He gave me herpes, the type that you get on your face but down there. So i have to tell every guy i wana sleep with that i have it.
He broke up with me the day before my birthday because he cheated the week before and felt awful. A few days later we got back together. But i found out not long after that he broke up with me and got with that girl but then decided he liked me better. The same night i found this out, i also found out he broke up with his ex only a week before meeting me.
When i was physically with him, it was fine but if he was in work he would kick off and if i argued back it would be my fault for winding him up. We never went out because if we did he would accuse me of checking out guys so i would never go out with him. Background info guys, im extremely short sided, i cant see shit so i wouldnt notice if a guy was checking me out or if he was hot or not, its a running joke between me and the sis. When she says hot guy, uh sis i cant see. But Lucifer didnt believe me, he thought it was an excuse.
One night he was meant to meet me after work and sleep at mine but suddenly i couldnt get in touch with him. I was convinced he had cheated again. So the next day i went for a nap and next thing you know hes cwtching up to me. He made love to me and apologised, he had lost his phone and when he woke up he came straight down. So i was struggling that week with my anxiety because i had accidentally being taken the wrong dose of my meds #mentalhealthproblems. And on the weekend he broke up with me and was a massive dickhead. When i went to log in on facebook on the Monday, his account popped up because he used my phone because he lost his. So yes i went through his messages. He was messaging a new girl. He had met her the night he disappeared went back to hers, when he got home the next day, he switched clothes and came to mine. The chinese i ordered him from my phone on the fri he was with her when he said he was too tired to see me.
We broke up for a few weeks and i planned to go to Ireland to visit my aunty to clear my head. He asked for me back and i said i would meet him and then decide. We had a good chat and decided to take it easy. When i was in ireland all he did was message me shit. He slept with a guy and a girl. The weekend after he kicked off with his roomate and got stabbed. My mum and sister found his horrible texts to me and decided i needed an intervention. Because i only had 4 hours sleep in 48 hours i slept for 17 hours. He left work and turned up at mine and took me for a drive to find out if i had been cheating. He couldnt get that i was sleeping. I didnt tell my mum and sis i was back with him. He then disappeared for two days and said he’d gone up his friends and as far as i know he did. But then he got with the girl he shagged while i was in ireland. She was 18.
He was stringing me along, lending money off me left right and centre. I gave up on him. Till about two weeks before christmas we were txting saying his relationship with her was shit and he wanted me. The next day he went offline again and i just assumed he was back with her so i went to bed and get woken up by the police calling. Hed been arrested could i go get him. My parents took me down and let him stay over. We were so good the whole of two weeks. He surpised me with a midnight showing of the new star wars. My dad was gutted i didnt go to see it with him. I told him the film was shit but the truth is Lucifer ruined it for me. He accused me of rubbing my leg against the guy next to me.
Hed go abit weird but id back off and let him carry on with his own stuff until christmas eve. He dropped me a gift off. Then i text saying can i go home and wrap first then see you for an hour. He kicked off so bad he ended it. I switched my phone notifications off went home and wrapped gifts. He turned up at my house and said if i didnt get in the car he would come in and beat me. So i went to meet him. He started driving and said which way east or west. You arent going home until you admit you cheated. I managed to get him to calm down and he drove us back home. Before he dropped me to my house he stopped for his joint. I was exhausted it was like 3am at this point and he went to drive us home, we were driving for about 10mins when the car jerked. Yep he had fallen asleep and woke himself up.
We were meant to spend christmas evening together but he said he was going for a smoke so i told him if he didnt want to see me he didnt have to. Then boxing day. The most horrible day of my life.
He had kicked off with me all day about me “cheating on him”. He turned up to my house and said if i didnt come out he would put a brick through the window. He would climb through and beat me senseless. So i told him to come in thinking the dogs would deter him from kicking off. He came in and grabbed my arm and pulled me off the sofa. I got dressed and got into the car with him.
He spit in my face, punched my leg and took me up a mountain. He took my phone off me and turned it off. I didnt know where i was and as stupid as it sounds i didnt want to leave my phone, my dad had just bought it for me. I didnt know how i would get home if he kicked me out.
He spent the next few hours mentally torturing me. He kept screaming at me to tell the truth about me cheating. So i did what i had to. I lied and told him he was right i had cheated. I kissed someone. But that wasnt good enough so my lies were getting more elaborate. Then he wanted a timeline. He gave me my phone at one point so i slipped it up my coat just in case. I had to wee and he wouldnt take me to a toilet so i had to pee outside and weed on my boots. I was sick because all i had eaten all day was half a turkey sandwich. I then fell asleep because i was so tired and weak my arms were tingling and i was seeing spots. I was answering his questions in my sleep, i have no idea what i said but i do remember saying gandalf, i have no idea why. There was a few cars that passed and he kept saying why dont you try your luck with them, see if they will help you. I was too afraid he would drag me back. When i went for a wee there was a car parked up, and i was debating running to the car but i was scared they wouldnt help and it would have been worse then.
It was minus weather, it had been snowing but i had enough. I said im going. I opened the door and got out. I started walking down the mountain. My plan was to get so far, hide and look where i was so i could phone the police. But he called me back and said he would take me home. I was only outside for 2mins but when i got in the car i was shivering so badly. He went to take me home but started driving to his house, i was thinking of how i was going to get away. I told him i couldnt go to his because i didnt have any tablets and needed them. He said he would only take me home if he came with me.
I walked in and my step dad was awake getting ready for work. Let me give u a timeline, he picked me up at 8pm ish. I got in at half 6 in the morning. He asked if i was ok, i said yeah just tired. I told lucifer i needed a wee and was thinking about my step dad and chanting please dont leave over and over in my head but i heard the door go. He was gone. So i thought id run to mums room but when i opened the door he was waiting for me on the stairs. We went up the stairs to me room and i was trying to get him to calm down by saying cwtch in lets go to sleep. I had every intention of calling the police but i needed to get away first. I was sleeping on and off for about two hours and he kept waking me up saying why did you cheat etc.
Lucifer then asked me where my tablets were, so i told him and he took them all. Saying he would only leg me call an ambulance when i told the truth so i told him to get the fuck out of my house right now. But beck ive taken an overdose. Lucifer i dont give a fuck get out. He then said im going downstairs to tell your mum youve cheated and ive taken an overdose because of you. Go in then lucifer. So off he went. This was my chance. I called 999. I told them briefly what he hd done and just kept repeating my name and address over and over saying please hurry. When he came up i said what did my mum say then? I didnt go in i was too scared i went to the toilet. I told him he better leave because id called the police. At this point i got up and walked out, he was too weak to follow. He was blowing my phone up with texts and calls. I was waiting at the window praying they would hurry up. They turned up and removed him from my house. They wanted to know if i wanted to press charges. I didnt because i didnt want to relive it and honestly he doesnt need prison he needs psychiatric help.
The police told him it was over between us and he was not to contact me. He then spent the next day calling me off private, msgs off fb, snapchat, calling me on all of them. Saying he wanted closure, he was sorry, he took it to far. He couldnt grasp what he did was wrong. The bestie was over, we and mum are sitting in the living room when the door goes. Mum answered it. All i heard was WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? Im phoning the police. It was lucifer. I started the process of him harassing me.
He left me alone for two weeks then i got a call so i answered it. It was him, he wanted to see if i was ok. He was saying how good live was for him blah blah blah. He then called me again on the monday and he was all depressed asking me for tablets to kill himself. I tried to explain i hadnt been sleeping, i was terrified of him. You know what he said? Grow up. I hung up and he called me back saying he hated me. Funny how he went from crying to anger in 5 mins. He then spent the next two weeks calling me at least twice a day. The end of it for me was when he called 6 times in one day. I had put my phone on do not disturb and put all my usual contacts as emergency contacts so they could get through but noone else.
Id been given a number from my sisters policeman friend who said he would handle my case if i wanted him to. So after the 6 calls i phoned him. He issued me with a protection order so by law he cannot contact me in anyway. If he does i cant start criminal proceedings against him.
I have started building myself up until last night. Half 11pm the door goes. I panicked but thought if its him i can slam the door and call the police, but no it was the police. Have i spoke to lucifer? No why? Hes threatened to kill himself but when we arrived he drive off. Where did you go yesterday with him? Um excuse me. You went for a drive yesterday. No i did not, i have a pin against him and hes blocked off everything. I told the policeman hes done this plenty of times, hes feeling sorry for himself and he threatens suicide and i get dragged into it.
Me and my family talked about it and we think he did this so i would check in on him and breach my PIN. As bad as it sounds the world would be a better place without him in it. Hes a danger to women. My policeman told my sis he had a new gf, a month after boxing day and she had already phone the cops against him. Not to mention the night i went to get him from the station it was because he hit his current 18 yr old gf a few times. These three instances in 2 months.
I hate that i was that girl that suffered domestic violence, that i wasnt strong enough to leave him and stay away. He was good at manipulating me and blaming me, making me think it was all my fault. He owes me over a grand in money, im only a size 14 but im convinced im fat because thats all i ever heard off him. And ya what to know the worse thing. Those two good weeks before christmas, he cheated on me 4 times. One was a threesome. Thats why he thought i was cheating. Over all he cheated on me with 10 girls and 2 guys. Thats not even the amount of times he did it just the amount of people that i know about. He was even txting a girl arranging a date when he was cwtched up to me in my bed.
If you have read my other posts you’ve seen i struggle with mental health. But i wasnt allowed to be anxious, i was told to grow up but i had to calm him down if he was paranoid or anxious. He wouldnt even attempt to change his outlook. I was always to blame, he couldnt accept responsibility for his actions.
As horrible as those 6 months were. Theres a good thing that came out of it. I survived. My family and me and closer then ever. He didnt break us. The guy friends i had to block? One apologised to me and the other wants to kill him. Noone thinks less of me for what he did.
I am not ashamed or embarrassed. What happened was down to him not me. Im healing the mental scars, slowly but surely. He didnt break me. I am still here and today was the first day i felt like me. I laughed so much today and i didnt feel afraid. So yes i am a victim but i survived.
This is two weeks after boxing day. When he grabbed my arm. The worst part is when he turned up at mine the next day my bestie sat next to me and hugged me but she was holding me where the bruise was and it was killing me but i couldnt tell them about it.
Overall in 6 months he pinned me to the bed, yanked me by the hair, locked me in his room for an hour, punched me in the side when i was having a panic attack because of his yelling at me, held me hostage up the mountain, punched my leg, spat at me, grabbed my coat and flung me abit to which my lip got caught and went abit swollen and not to mention all of the mental abuse. My family know the basic gist of what i went through up the mountain and abit of the mental abuse but i havent told them all of it because whats the point in hurting them? If they knew how bad it was it would kill them and make them even more worried about me, it doesnt do any good knowing what i went through.
I hope people who are in a similar position, can take comfort from my words and story. I hope you also have the strength to leave because believe me it is liberating. I was extremely lucky, it could have been worse, thats what i keep telling myself. His next girlfriend might not be so lucky.
Happy Reading Bitches!